The times, they are changing…


  1. The problem with the world today is that the smart people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
  2. I don’t know if it’s a generational thing, but every time my Dad sees twins he asks if they’re gay.
  3. As far as equality goes, anatomy is something everyone has, it just looks better on girls.
  4. When I die, keep it simple and just write the word “humble” on my statue.
  5. Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
  6. My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
  7. As I get older I’ve noticed the emotion I feel most is: I want more money.
  8. My grocery cart usually tells people “I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight. Also, I like fruit.”
  9. If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save a bunch of time by not looking in any historical museums.


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